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EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
i just bought a band name jumper is that okay?
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
orr am i up myself now
kloweeeeeeee says:
I don't give a shit Emma.
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
u seemed to saturday night
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
brand not band
kloweeeeeeee says:
Hardly.
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
u made a big deal bout it.
kloweeeeeeee says:
Hardly.
kloweeeeeeee says:
If you think that was a big deal well......
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
u said i was superficial- that was a big deal since im not
kloweeeeeeee says:
Haha. You're the one who brought it up again!
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
yeh coz i dont think it was right calling me superficial.
kloweeeeeeee says:
I don't think it was right that you called me Goth-loving. Because I'm faaaar from it.
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
baha you are chloe. U LOVE GOTHS and everything about them. their hardcore black wearing fags.
kloweeeeeeee says:
You don't even know me Emma. How could you say that?
kloweeeeeeee says:
You know nothing about me. You don't know my interests. You don't know my pet hates. You know nothing. And assume everything.
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
i know ur pet hates. all of us coz we hate goths.
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
we're gothaphobic. along with homophobic
kloweeeeeeee says:
Assuming.
kloweeeeeeee says:
Again....You're assuming.
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
assuming we're goth and homo fobic? we are.
kloweeeeeeee says:
WTF?
kloweeeeeeee says:
No...You're assuming that I hate you because you hate goths...
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
well it comes across that way'
kloweeeeeeee says:
I find you stereotypical, immature, rude and irritating Emma....There are plenty of other reasons for me to hate you.
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
yes, and you wouldnt wanna hear what i think of you
kloweeeeeeee says:
Go ahead. I can take it. I don't care what you think. You mean nothing to me. You are the annoying girl I met at school. Nothing more.
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
two faced, stuck up, goth loving, book nerd, and hate other peoples opinions. im going to go shopping now to buy more brand name clothes is that alright or will that make me look better then u? coz ur a nothing. a little nerd that is a nothing. go read a book while im going to go blow some money.
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
oh and only cares bout YOURSELF and your little goth rock bands and gays.
kloweeeeeeee says:
LMFAO!
kloweeeeeeee says:
Yup. ...And at the end of the day...I'm so much better than you. Because I am me. And pretend to be nothing more.
kloweeeeeeee says:
You are superficial and rude.
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
nope, im hot on the inside too so icant be superficial
EMMAA << #23 BUDDY ADELAIDE says:
JEALOUS. i think yes
kloweeeeeeee says:
Superficial means that you lack depth. There is nothing deep about you honey.
kloweeeeeeee says:
No way in hell am I jealous of you. n00b.
....And then she logged off. I was extremely disappointed.
Her having a go at me didn't upset me. However, the fact that she had a go at my sister (..and didn't even have the guts to say that it was actually her) and my best friend did upset me. She made my sister cry. No one has the right to hurt someone like that.
She has never said anything to directly 'hurt' me to my face (besides the freak thing). We usually get into debates concerning two guys kissing in public or Asians in Sydney *eye roll* but that only happens when the rest of our class is there to back her up. Which usually leaves me trying to open their minds with no one to back me up - the (two) people that feel the same way as me usually don't get into those things.
The only reason that I'm writing this journal is because I need somewhere to vent. Buzznet is perfect for that.
I'm truly sick of my tiny town and their simple-minded views...
WARNING: This could be boring.
I have never suffered from depression, or any other serious mental disorder.
I have never contemplated suicide, or practiced any kind of (serious) self-harm.
I come from a strong support network. A group of people who refuse to let the others fall below the surface. My family is one that keeps each other sane, one that knows each other far too well, and one that’s always there to hold one another up.
However, each of us is good at hiding certain things. We are all actors in our own right.
Here I will try to explain some of the things that run through my head and/or could be classed as ‘mental’ (xD).
Over-Analysis/Anxiety issues: As previously mentioned, I don’t suffer from any serious mental disorders/issues. However, I am your average ‘worry-wart’. I worry whether I locked the door properly, or if I turned my hair straightener off, or if my taking the money from a customer seemed like I snatched it. ….And then things get complicated.
My mum told me the other day that I’m an extremely analytical person. I agree whole-heartedly. The problem is that I tend to over-analyze things.
Mostly I worry about how my actions are perceived. I lay awake at night wondering how I could have done things better or different. Or if something I said didn’t get the reaction that was intended and came off as being harsh. I wonder whether the things I type on Buzznet to people are taken the right way. I wonder whether my family members are proud of the things I do or if they think I should do things differently.
Sometimes I get myself really worked up about things like this. This has been affecting my sleep and general health lately.
Self-Esteem Issues: As far as I can tell, I’ve had self-esteem issues ever since I was in grade 4 and couldn’t quite throw that ball through that hoop. Sure, that’s a pretty small thing, but it made me feel like I wasn’t as good as the other kids. Things progressed when I moved to the small country town that I live in now. Unlike the city, there was no diversity. Everyone was far too similar and even though I tried to fit in, I soon became the outsider. Shortly after I arrived, the ‘bullying’ (I don’t really think of it as bullying but everyone else does x/) started. It wasn’t physical and has never been physical but the things people would say to me or call me made me feel uncomfortable and worthless.
I remember one time when I had a ‘friend’ over at my house. We were standing out in the front garden talking when this guy from school drove past with his mum. My ‘friend’ hid behind a bush and when I asked her what she was doing she said ‘No offence Chloe, but everyone thinks you’re a freak.’ Yeah, no offence. I’ll never forget that.
These days, and nearly 5 years after my ‘friend’ said that to me, I couldn’t care less what people think of me or what they call me. I’m beginning to be more comfortable with myself and I’m starting to stand up for what I believe in more often.
(Self) Pressure/Perfection: I place myself under faaaar too much pressure. I get frustrated with myself when I can’t do something (perfectly) and often blame myself for things I didn’t cause/do. This again makes me feel really worthless and….Useless. …And it’s my own doing (I need to stop).
Psychosomatic Pain: …This is going to make me sound like some weird psychotic freak. *sigh*
I found that when my mum was going through her cancer treatment, I got pain in the places where she would have felt pain. (For anyone who doesn’t know, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer around this time last year.) For example, after my mum had surgery to remove the tumor and had had stitches and whatnot, I felt a pulling pain in the left side of my chest (same place as my mum). It started (almost) underneath my arm-pit and curved around in the same way that my mum’s flesh had been cut and opened for the tumor to be taken out. The pain would become (a lot) worse whenever I lifted my arm.
Another example is after my mum had had chemotherapy for the first time I felt a pain in my right arm where the IV had been put into my mum’s right arm. I only ever witnessed the first lot of chemo she had and the last lot, but I’d get that same pain whenever she would have chemo.
The way I see it, I only ever get this pain after actually seeing evidence that someone is in pain. I’d seen my mum’s wound/scar and stitches and had also witnessed her receiving chemotherapy.
I find it extremely hard to feel things for other people unless I can see evidence that they are being affected by whatever they’re problem is. ….I guess that makes me a cold-hearted bitch :/
Others: I also have a habit of saying sorry faaaar too often and I find it hard to say ‘no’ to people if it will help them out.
There you are…You have now taken a piece of my mind. Good luck with whatever you do with it.
| Disorder | Rating | Information |
| Paranoid: | High | click for info |
| Schizoid: | High | click for info |
| Schizotypal: | High | click for info |
| Antisocial: | Low | click for info |
| Borderline: | Low | click for info |
| Histrionic: | Low | click for info |
| Narcissistic: | Low | click for info |
| Avoidant: | High | click for info |
| Dependent: | Moderate | click for info |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | High | click for info |
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. Antisocials tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.
A majority of criminals in prison have some degree of antisocial personality disorder. Treatment is highly difficult, although the symptoms often diminish with age.